Up your dating game – local singles

 

What I feel about dating is, that looks really aren’t everything. I’m not saying they dont matter, just that you would rather date someone interesting and who understands you, than a really good looking asshole. I’ve had girlfriends in my life but never even had a match online. I wonder why.

You are right on all accounts. It’s because of a few things all working together in the perfect storm to cause an epic fail.

When I built Completely Free Dating Tool it was only after I was immersed in dating sites for a year or so, I pretty much tried them all. I then went and compared all the sites to real life, to see how they all performed.

Real Life won every single time, in every comparison, except for one thing: a web site’s theoretical ability to organize the proper group of people all together in one place.

All dating sites are backwards. They shove two people together, anonymously in a way that causes them to be pretty rude to each other. You’re not going to walk up to a woman without your shirt on, or worse, or show her a picture of your snowmobile or a dead animal instead of your smile – but that’s exactly how the dating sites work. And you’re not going to just walk up to someone you haven’t even said hi to and go into a big long tirade about how interesting she is and talk about the things you have in common, or how cute she looked on New Years in that picture and oh you’re an atheist too and love 10,000 Emerald Pools by B0RNS, but that’s exactly how the dating sites work.

Well, except mine.

In real life you say hi, check body language, make some nice clever charming small talk and then go from there.

But a head shot, in a gallery of 1,000s of head shorts, on a platform that gives women a false sense of choice is not going to get you anywhere. And all your charm, and personality, and depth and wit are lost.

So, three choices –

  1. Play the game. Make your pics stand out, highlight something good about yourself. Attraction is about status, and this game minimizes your ability to leverage the statuses besides looks (power, wealth, attractiveness to others, kindness, intelligence, height, etc – I wrote about all this in detail in another post)
  2. Screw all the sites and only use real life. Your connections are limited then, as thats the only thing Real Life isn’t as good at as dating sites are. But at least you can show off all the other wonderful stuff about you.
  3. Try Completely Free Dating Tool (onlyaglance.com).

There’s nothing stopping you from choosing all three above. Just don’t be daunted by the current state of dating sites and understand that it’s not you.

Chatting with potential dates – tips for better chatting

Once you’ve both decided it is a good idea to chat, you can start chatting on onlyaglance.com.

Like everything on onlyaglance.com, chatting is a means to an end, that end being meeting a potential mate and seeing if there is chemistry there.

Remember these simple tips…

Be polite
When chatting on line, always treat the potential date with respect, and kindness.  That’s another human being on the other end, with feelings and emotions.  The golden rule applies here.

Be clear
Text sucks for conveying emotion.  Simple, harmless fun in text or chat can come across as snarkiness and cruelty.  Your humor may be awesome as far as you are concerned, but it just may not translate well across text, especially to someone who has yet to ‘get’ you.

Don’t just go for it
Expect some back and forth first.  Some people want to see how good you are at bantering.  Once they are comfortable you can then ask to meet for coffee, etc.

Don’t use AOLspeak
Meaning, don’t use texting slang when communicating.  Don’t use “U” instead of “you.”  It may not bother some people, but it’s best not to risk it.  Better to at least give the impression you are not a knuckle dragger, in chat, at least.

Remember the escape hatch
On onlyaglance you can always choose to lose interest in a person, even after you’ve been chatting.  This can be useful for someone who has suddenly become vulgar, or just wasn’t who you thought they were.  Or, the original reason for this, they’re just not being responsive.

Messaging is not real time
As with any form of communication other than in person and a phone call, messaging is not real time.  Texts may seem like real time, and some chats may seem like that as well, but they are not.  So, don’t fall into the trap of worrying about a delay that you perceive.   Treat each chat on onlyaglance.com as an email – make it worthwhile to read.