How can I ask my boyfriend to be more communicative in a LDR?

You already have. You’ve stated plainly enough to us, so I’m assuming you’ve stated it even more plainly, and often, to him.

You haven’t mentioned that he’s irritated, or annoyed. You haven’t mentioned that you’ve raised your voice, or done it in a complaining manner.

If this is all true, then you’ve done all you can, and unfortunately it’s time to move on. Contrary to what we see in fiction and in dramas sometimes, and to the perpetual myth – communication is NOT an option. It’s not a bonus, it’s not a special thing that only some people are able to do. A solid foundation of communication is for everyone, and a must in a relationship. Every person who wants to be in a relationship and enjoy the benefits of a partner must communicate with said partner.

There are no excuses. There’s no “I wasn’t brought up that way” or “I’m a guy, what do you expect” or “Well his heart is in the right place.”

People are intelligent, sentient, expressive feeling beings. All of them, regardless of gender.

If someone has an issue, emotionally, then it is up to them to explore and address that independently, privately so that they can be whole for their partner.

I’m not talking about an issue that develops in the middle of a marriage and both partners seek counseling to address it. I’m talking about someone who comes to the the table, to the relationship, and brings with them this limitation.

The boyfriend/girlfriend stage is not the fixing stage. The engagement stage is not the fixing stage either. Adjusting? Perhaps. But not fixing. Count yourself lucky that you have become aware of this at the boyfriend stage and can (relatively) easily move on.

Good luck.

Chatting with potential dates – tips for better chatting

Once you’ve both decided it is a good idea to chat, you can start chatting on

Like everything on, chatting is a means to an end, that end being meeting a potential mate and seeing if there is chemistry there.

Remember these simple tips…

Be polite
When chatting on line, always treat the potential date with respect, and kindness.  That’s another human being on the other end, with feelings and emotions.  The golden rule applies here.

Be clear
Text sucks for conveying emotion.  Simple, harmless fun in text or chat can come across as snarkiness and cruelty.  Your humor may be awesome as far as you are concerned, but it just may not translate well across text, especially to someone who has yet to ‘get’ you.

Don’t just go for it
Expect some back and forth first.  Some people want to see how good you are at bantering.  Once they are comfortable you can then ask to meet for coffee, etc.

Don’t use AOLspeak
Meaning, don’t use texting slang when communicating.  Don’t use “U” instead of “you.”  It may not bother some people, but it’s best not to risk it.  Better to at least give the impression you are not a knuckle dragger, in chat, at least.

Remember the escape hatch
On onlyaglance you can always choose to lose interest in a person, even after you’ve been chatting.  This can be useful for someone who has suddenly become vulgar, or just wasn’t who you thought they were.  Or, the original reason for this, they’re just not being responsive.

Messaging is not real time
As with any form of communication other than in person and a phone call, messaging is not real time.  Texts may seem like real time, and some chats may seem like that as well, but they are not.  So, don’t fall into the trap of worrying about a delay that you perceive.   Treat each chat on as an email – make it worthwhile to read.