Chatting with potential dates – tips for better chatting

Once you’ve both decided it is a good idea to chat, you can start chatting on onlyaglance.com.

Like everything on onlyaglance.com, chatting is a means to an end, that end being meeting a potential mate and seeing if there is chemistry there.

Remember these simple tips…

Be polite
When chatting on line, always treat the potential date with respect, and kindness.  That’s another human being on the other end, with feelings and emotions.  The golden rule applies here.

Be clear
Text sucks for conveying emotion.  Simple, harmless fun in text or chat can come across as snarkiness and cruelty.  Your humor may be awesome as far as you are concerned, but it just may not translate well across text, especially to someone who has yet to ‘get’ you.

Don’t just go for it
Expect some back and forth first.  Some people want to see how good you are at bantering.  Once they are comfortable you can then ask to meet for coffee, etc.

Don’t use AOLspeak
Meaning, don’t use texting slang when communicating.  Don’t use “U” instead of “you.”  It may not bother some people, but it’s best not to risk it.  Better to at least give the impression you are not a knuckle dragger, in chat, at least.

Remember the escape hatch
On onlyaglance you can always choose to lose interest in a person, even after you’ve been chatting.  This can be useful for someone who has suddenly become vulgar, or just wasn’t who you thought they were.  Or, the original reason for this, they’re just not being responsive.

Messaging is not real time
As with any form of communication other than in person and a phone call, messaging is not real time.  Texts may seem like real time, and some chats may seem like that as well, but they are not.  So, don’t fall into the trap of worrying about a delay that you perceive.   Treat each chat on onlyaglance.com as an email – make it worthwhile to read.

Dating profiles on other dating sites – some tips

One of the great things about onlyaglance.com is that your profile is minimal; no summary, no favorites, no six things you couldn’t do without.  The onlyaglance profile page has just a few items, and the rest of it is up to you.

If you are going to make a profile on other dating sites, here are a few tips.

 

Be Positive

Make sure you present a positive personality and outlook for dating.  People are looking to improve their lives by being with you.  they are not looking to fix something someone else has broken.  Do not tell people how hurt you are, how you cannot trust again, etc. etc.  Instead, tell people how you’ve learned from your experiences, are wiser and are looking forward to the future.

 

Present good profile photos

You may think that the picture of the serene lake helps your potential match understand how deep you are, it doesn’t.  he or she already knows what a lake looks like.   The same applies to pets; cats, dogs, birds, etc.

Show them pictures of you, especially your face.  Full body is eventually going to be requested in some way or another.  There may be some too shy to ask so they may just skip your profile and move on to another potential match’s profile because they will assume you are hiding something.  Don’t.

 

Don’t waste time stating the obvious

Everyone loves their kids.  Everyone puts them first.  Everyone says their children, their son, their daughter, is the center of their world. We know that, you know that.  When you are not making your children the center of your world, and instead are with the potential mate, what then?  What then will you do, are you interested in doing?  What activities turn you on?  Information on your profile like that is very helpful for your soon to be date.

About Only A Glance

Only A Glance is a dating site that isn’t really a dating site.  Instead, it’s a real life simulator, in that it simulates the chance meeting of people in a coffee shop, a grocery store, etc.

Only A Glance is built as a tool, vs. a playground for pen pals.  You use it like you’d use any tool, to get a job done.  The job in question here is finding someone, period.  The site assumes you know what you are doing, that millions of years of evolution are better than a series of questions.  The site understands that the only thing it can do is show you pictures of people and let you decide, quickly, efficiently and irrevocably.

Successful online dating – why onlyaglance.com got it right

Hi.  You’re here to find someone.  So am I.  No, really.

I built this partially out of frustration in using the existing sites out there, and I’m kind cheap.  I paid for two of the well known sites out there and had the same results as I have using the free ones.  Perhaps the only difference was a slight increase in quality of people in exchange for a decrease in selection.  Either way, it was frustrating.

There are sites that ask you all sorts of questions, from what you would do if you found your boss watching porn, to how many tattoos you have to how interested you would be in having a certain kind of sex toy used on you.  I answered hundreds, to no avail.

There are sites that use magical chemistry to match you with other humans, after asking you all sorts of personality questions.

There are sites that just throw hundreds of people at you you, and you are guaranteed to meet some very interesting people this way.

All sites how you potentially lots of pictures.  All sites tell you they are “matching” you with someone.  All sites tell you that they are using some sort of criteria to find these people for you.

They are all wrong.

All that is happening is that humans are looking at postage stamp sized pictures of people, and making a judgement as to whether they want to know more, just like in real life.  They are muddling through a broken system, trying to find the friendly face, the one that would spark their interest in real life.  The problem with the dating sites is:

 

  1. They are making you pay for it.
  2. They really have no clue what you want, only you do.
  3. They have no way of tracking who you really like, an more importantly, who you don’t.
  4. They are wasting your time with nonsense, whether it be elaborate profiles that almost no one will read, or qualifying questions that do not work for 99.95% of the population, or matches that don’t want you.
  5. Unless you “block” those you are not interested in, the sites will continue to shove them in your face, and at least one site will continue to show you people you’ve already blocked!

 

Even the Dr. that consulted for the creation of a certain dating site speaks at length about how certain hormones and elements in the womb decide what our face looks like, and we use faces to determine who we are attracted to.

So then, why bother with the questions?

The fact is that no dating site should ever take credit for any relationship.  It’s the humans that do all the work.

 

Like Real Life

You see someone in a coffee shop, you don’t know anything about them other than they caught your attention. That initial physical note, that attraction, is what naturally makes you want to know more. So you observe, discretely; actions, movements, the way they talk, what they are wearing.

 

In the real world they don’t control the message. In cyberland, they do. In cyberland you may only see a part of the person, a strategically taken picture obscure things physically.  Remember the arms-length, disembodied head pics?
The Spark

If you chose to talk to them, you will get an idea right away if they find you interesting, engaging. If they are attracted you will know. In a matter of minutes you will exchange information first real names, probably phone numbers. You may have a chance to sit and talk. The relationship will begin on a connected level.

In cyberland, you are judging on a picture or serious of pictures that may be over a year old. You are communicating blindly and anonymously in a predatory environment. All the nuances of smiles, of body language and voice are lost. Women are bombarded, giving them a false sense of choice and putting them in a defensive position. They are dealing with a crowd. Men are lost in the shuffle.

You may correspond via the messaging of the dating site, 10, perhaps 50 messages may be exchanged before a phone number is given. Then there may be days of texts. You may very well not hear the other person’s voice until meeting.

In real life, you are on a one-on-one basis, it is just the two of you. A week long (or more) process of cyberdating is accomplished in a matter of minutes, and you start our already having a physical spark.
In cyberland you may chose not to connect with someone because of a statistic, desire for children, religion, sign, all things that may not affect the relationship, or worse, are answered in a way that is misleading. In real life these items are judged by actions. These items and preferences may be fluid, and not set in stone.
cyberdating has almost no advantages and all disadvantages over real life meeting.

The only advantage of cyberdating is that you know the prospect is interested in dating. In real life, other than a wedding ring being present, you have no indicators as to status or desire for a connection, until you make the first move. The exception to this is a referral from a friend, a blind date. In this case a friend, a trusted source of information, has already vetted the prospect.

So, how do we make cyberdating work for us, in the most efficient way?

 

Enter OnlyAGlance.com

OnlyAGlance.com shows you pics, the same postage stamp sized pictures you see on other sites.  However, like in real life, when you express interest by glancing, the other person knows about it and has to glance back or express a lack of interest.  Only if they do, do you get to see their very limited profile – the same sort of small talk you would make in the chat after they initial glance back.  If both parties want to continue, then chat is activated.  Now you can chat, be clever, exchange information, and finally meet.  This makes for successful online dating.

At any time, either party can simply decide they are no longer interested, and the profile will be removed from the pool of people you are offered, once and permanently.  Move along.

The point of onlyaglance.com it to provide you an efficient method of sorting through lots of available singles in your area, period.  The rest is up to you.  You will spend five minutes on onlyaglance.com being successful at online dating, vs. the hour you waste at other dating sites, per site.

 

Well, that’s the goal, at least.  🙂